Hails’ Midnight Confessions

Ladies and gentleman, I don’t think it’s a secret that I am a Catholic. But here’s the thing, I don’t get to church as often as I’d like bc they don’t offer free refills. The thing I miss most about going to church is confession.

You won’t tell anybody… RIGHT??

secret stephen colbert GIF

Great, this is Hails’ Midnight Confessions.

(CAN YOU TELL THAT I’M A COLBERT GROUPIE??!)

AHHHHHEM. *cue the Stephen Colbert voice*

Standard disclaimer: IDK if these are technically sins, BUT I do feel bad about them.

Processed with VSCO with c1 preset

Forgive me readers –

When I went to the gym the other day, I didn’t sanitize the stair master after I sweated all over it; the gym employee wasn’t looking.

Last Saturday, I ate dinner in Little Italy. I didn’t tip 20% bc the waiter didn’t give our table extra bread.

stephen colbert GIF

When I go to Starbucks, I steal a few handfuls of Stevia packets from their sugar selection bc I’m too lazy to go to the grocery store.

Sometimes I tell the bartender that I am a diabetic, just so he doesn’t put any syrup in my vodka soda with 10,000 lime slices.

Processed with VSCO with c1 preset

The other day I forgot to bring my heels to work, so I bought a pair for the day. The same lady was at the register, so I told her that the shoes were too big.

When I was preparing a salad at the Whole Foods salad bar, I added slices of roasted sweet potato so I could snack on them while grocery shopping.

Processed with VSCO with c1 preset

When I was at the grocery store, I grabbed two extra samples of chips and salsa “for my mom and dad”. My parents live 800 miles away.

The other day, I was walking home from a bar and a guy stopped to ask me if I wanted to grab a drink. I told him that I had a date. I literally went home and ate five dates smothered in almond butter.

My friend asked me for a three week meal plan with different meals every day and for each day to be under 1700 calories. I responded with…

stephen colbert television GIF

Every time I go to the gym, I stain the gym towels with my makeup and fake tan.

Processed with VSCO with c1 preset

& worst of all, I cheated on Bucky. AND I liked it.

(I made Buckeyes.)

Processed with VSCO with c1 preset

IDK if it’s bc I’ve been out of Madison for a month and a half, but I DEVOURED the Buckeyes and I don’t regret it.

This DOESN’T make me an Ohio Buckeye fan. I just can’t resist the sweet taste of the Buckeyes.

Processed with VSCO with c1 preset

Cheese is still #1 in my heart, but these Buckeyes are IR👏🏼RE👏🏼SIST👏🏼I👏🏼BLE.

My dad can attest to this too. Here is a quote from the man, the myth himself :

“Those are a lot better than the real ones – the real ones are too sweet and in these you can actually taste the peanut butter.” – Bob

These balls have a powdery texture held together with a chocolate crunch. If you don’t eat a GAZILLION of these balls in one sitting, I’d consider getting tested for a peanut allergy…

IMG_7346

Recipe:

1 cup drippy PB (you can find the kind I use HERE)

¾ cup almond flour

1 tsp vanilla extract

¼ cup coconut sugar

¾ cut oat flour

>70% cacao dark choco

 

Directions:

Melt peanut butter in the microwave. Mix in almond flour, vanilla extract, coconut sugar, and oat flour. Roll into balls and freeze for ~1 hour. Melt dark choco and dip the frozen peanut butter balls in the choco and place on wax paper. Freeze again.

Processed with VSCO with c1 preset

MAKE SURE to use the drippy PB! ALSO – bc you use the drippy kind, you must keep them in the freezer bc they have a lower melting point than the crappy, artificial pb. Even though they will be stored in the freezer, they DON’T get frozen hard.

I would recommend setting them out for 5-10 minutes before serving if you freeze them overnight.

These are SINFULLY delicious. I also like them more than the actual buckeye dessert at Ohio State bc the peanut butter has more of an apparent taste and the texture is so much more fleeky.

xx hails

Leave a Reply